Thursday, June 23, 2005

Marriage and Productivity

Marriage has made me lazy.

These days, I just don't seem to have the drive to do any income-generating work (I still have the drive for income-expending though). I sit at my laptop with a list of tasks, and my mind wanders. I think about what's for dinner. I strategize the best laundry routine. I think about world peace. Then I think about feeding the fish. So I stand up and go feed the fish. The dogs see me feed the fish, and they come up for some attention. So I pet the dogs and roughhouse with them a little. I check on their food and water bowls. Then I pet the dogs again. Back at my laptop, I check all my email. Whenever a message has a link, I click on the link. Then I start surfing. I'm thinking, "In five minutes, I start working," and before I know it, an hour has passed. And I promise I'll start working, but then it's already time to prepare dinner. Where did the time go?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I lack focus. My self-discipline, which was never admirable to begin with, is completely shot. The Hubby has been picking up the slack for me, working on more and more projects as I bring in less and less income, without cutting down on my expenses. I am so lethargic. Sometimes I border on apathy.

I know The Hubby is frustrated with me. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets resentful. He checks up on me: "So, what did you work on today?" And I get so defensive and my hackles rise. Then suddenly I'm spoiling for a fight.

I need help.


trapped said...

it's good that you still have the opportunity to work from home. most people would be out of their wits without a steady 8-5 job. as for The Hubby, he will always like you whether you generate income or not.

djong said...

hi rheea! it's me, djong. :)

well, i just have to say, i've been doing the very same thing for the past few days! i think i need to whip myself in place.