Yesterday really shook me up. Not a gentle shake, but a neck-snapping-head-rolling-arms-flailing-innard-wrenching-teeth-falling-out shake.
I was at the office at my usual time, prepared for a usual day, and within an hour I was leaving with all my things, including the dust ball that found its way into my glass caddy. I have to say it was a dignified exit. No scenes, and thankfully, no one around to witness anything in the first place.
Suffice it to say that I resigned because I felt there was no other way to react to an insulting and very embarrasing situation. My only regret is that I felt that I was not given ample time to prove myself, and to showcase my capabilities. But I have no bitterness or resentment. I'm fine. Really. It's my ego that took the real beating.
But today, for the first time in nearly two months, I woke up happy. I never realized how much pressure I had been feeling till it was gone.
I have been married less than three months, still learning how to deal with waking up next to someone, having to prepare breakfast for that someone, and a whole lot of other things that includes laundry, fixing your schedule around someone else's and the inevitable tug of war with the blanket at night. Then I had to deal with adjusting to a new job, making sure I had my best foot forward all the time. Then there was the long, expensive commute (P220 by cab, one way!). The mad rush in the morning to get the chores done before I left for the office; the mad rush in the office to get a decent amount of work done before the mad rush home (P220!) so I could get dinner ready. No wonder by 10PM I was dead to the world, or at least about to expire.
And today, I felt none of that madness.
I guess this was the definitive answer. I had been praying for a sign, whether or not I should quit my job. I liked what I was doing, the pay was ok, and the vanity factor--I was the lead--was really way up there. But--big but--I could sense my new husband's resentment towards the new job. And he had a right, I suppose. Because before we got married, we had different plans, plans that we put aside so I could take on what I thought was my dream job. God was probably thinking, "You keep praying for guidance, yet you don't listen to me." Well, he sure got my attention now.
He made it easy, actually. No dithering between options, no tedious listing down of pros and cons. Now things are really falling into place. So quickly too. You have to hand it to God. He sure knows how to coordinate things.
So now that I think about it, he just stirred things up, just to get me back into listening mode.
I hear you Lord. Speak.