Thursday, July 26, 2007

Supercow Unmasked

Supercow is tired.

She goes to bed as early as she can, but when she wakes up the next day, she's still tired. She slugs through her morning chores--fill the water tank, cook breakfast, take out the trash, feed the pets, pump milk--and by the time Superbaby and Superdaddy are up, she's ready to go back to bed.

But she can't. She has to feed Superbaby and make sure that Superdaddy gets to the office at a reasonable time. Then it's time to bathe Superbaby and maybe another feed and a nap. Then it's time to clean up after breakfast and fix up after bath. And if she hasn't bathed yet, now's the time for a quick shower. Really quick. Gone are the days of two-hour baths with body scrub and all that. Then it's time to boot up and start working.

But these days, Superbaby doesn't nap for 3-hour stretches like she used to. Sometimes she's awake in 30 minutes. So Supercow has a hard time concentrating. I have to be more efficient, thinks Supercow. I have to be more disciplined and learn how to use my time wisely. She marvels at all those mothers without helpers, who manage to work and take care of the baby and the house and still look good.

Nap while Superbaby naps, Supercow, people say. But she can't. She tries to, but her mind is busy churning, churning, churning. Listing all the things that can be done in the time she spends tossing and turning on the bed. When she finally starts drifting off to sleep, Superbaby wakes up and it's another cycle. And it's also time to think about dinner. And breakfast for the next day. And Superbaby's evening bath. And the articles sitting in the Inbox, still unedited. And deadlines looming. And budgets and a million other little things.

Supercow is frustrated. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Other mothers can do it. Why can't I? She has time. Superbaby is a good little baby, pretty low-maintenance, Supercow has to admit. She has help--SuperAlingLourdes comes in three times a week and helps a lot with the chores and the breakfast and the washing up. What she doesn't have is the energy. And the drive. She just wants to curl up and read and sleep and not think about anything.

She feels bad because by the time Superdaddy comes home, she's too tired and grumpy to properly talk to him. She doesn't even get to cook a proper dinner most days, and she doesn't send him off with a packed lunch.

Supercow is scared. What if she can't shake off this lethargy? What if, even if she gets her energy back, she still can't get chores done, meals on the table, house fixed up, engaging conversation and then some with Superdaddy out, or inspire Superbaby? What if, the truth is that Supercow is just a whiny lazy bum?

What if she isn't super after all?


Joy said...

every mom feels this way ... sometimes. :)

congratulations on breastfeeding!

Maryanne Moll said...

Hey, Ree! Even Supernonmommies get tired, too. But remember that even if you're just being a "whiny lazy bum," you're also producing milk at the same time. And that's not being lazy at all! Teehee.

N!cE said...

Hi Ree! I hope you still remember me from w@wie days. I feel the same as you esp when my baby was younger. Hang on... You'll eventually figure out how to balance things. It takes practice you know. :)

Anonymous said...

ree, we are in the same boat! i can perfectly relate to everything you're undergoing.

yes, it is pretty hard keeping it all together. i'm just praying for the day when things will get better and easier.

sharon said...

i feel for supercow...hirap talaga ano. i'm glad to run across your page, it's uplifting to know that I am not alone...

Ree said...

sharon, joy, leah: it's really great knowing that there are others who feel like you do no? even if we don't see each other, i feel much better. :)

nice: how have you been? thanks for the encouragement!

hey maryanne. thanks, that made me smile :)