My Husband Squeezes the Middle of the Toothpaste Tube! and Other Horror Stories

You know how those suspense movies always start. Heroine meets the perfect man, they fall in love and have the perfect wedding, move into the perfect home. Then, suddenly she discovers--cue the Psycho weenk-weenk-weenk sound effects and zoom-in-zoom-out camera shot--her perfect husband is a mid-toothpaste tube squeezer!

The horror. The shock. The anguish. What else could he be hiding from her?

*****

Two-and-a-half months into my marriage, I often have these Psycho-moments. Last week, I confronted The Hubby about the unmistakable squeeze mark in the middle of an otherwise perfect tube of toothpaste. "It's still full--I start squeezing from the bottom when it's nearly empty," he blithely explained. But...but...I hate it nonetheless.

The worst discovery so far is how like night and day we are. Literally. I get up by 6AM and am knocked out by 11PM (or very incoherent), while The Hubby sleeps at 4AM and gets up as late as he can (average time, 9:30AM). Which means, given the fact that he leaves before lunch and gets home by 8:30PM, that we barely have 5 hours awake between us. Factor in getting dressed, more work, chores and where does that leave us?

Then there are differing money styles. I get headaches working out figures and budgets, and he has Excel charts and MS Money reports. He always asks me to give him these financial reports, and I always put it off until we fight about it.

Don't even get me started on food! I stand by my Hodgepodge Fried Rice (a melange of leftovers in the ref--creatively and flavorfully done) and he once fell in a extra foul mood when I served him a version of this for breakfast.

Clearly, marriage isn't exactly what the romantic hype makes it to be. Nobody said anything about the hard work that goes into it. No wonder a lot of couples separate. The constant adjustment and compromising is enough to really drive you Psycho.

So what is one to do? Just that. Adjust. Compromise. Remember what made you love this guy who sleeps in the same bed as you (but only sometimes makes the bed) in the first place. And when all else fails, pray. Really. Sometimes, the Lord gets, "Hey Lord, please help me be a more understanding, gentle and loving wife." A lot of times he gets, "Looord!! Keep me from strangling him!!!"

That's the core of it all. Commitment to God keeps your commitment to each other stronger. That's what we learned in the Engagement Seminar we attended. Sometimes you can't stand your spouse and you just want to call it quits, but it will be obedience to God that will keep you together. I hope we never reach that point, but thank God that he's got us covered.

*****

My husband doesn't know I, too, have a deep, dark secret. The other day, I discovered where Chloe, my beloved German Shepherd mix and Houdi, the amourous Shih Tzu have been spending lazy summer afternoons--right in the middle of The Hubby's newly planted basil and kangkong patch. When he saw the decimation of his beloved plants, I managed a surprised and outraged gasp as I led him away from the scene of the crime...