We had a launch event in Greenbelt last Friday. I usually hate going to these things, but my client needed the support, so I went.
These high-end parties--with the gorgeous models, celebrities, personalities, head honchos, all dressed in the latest fashions, possibly all branded, laughing, smoking, sipping their drinks, flashing their new phones and gadgets, talking loudly, apparently knowing everyone, swaying to the music, jewelry sparkling, nails neatly manicured, shoes spiffy and new looking, uncaring of the flesh exposed, most with no fat to speak of, swirling conversation...and no one paying the least attention to me--I hate them.
I am shy by nature and I don't do well in social situations. I sometimes have a hard time talking to my relatives! These events bring out all my insecurities and make me feel so inadequate. After, I always have myself a pity party.
But that last event, I did fine. I was actually talking to people-I mingled!--and I hardly looked the pitiful wallflower I normally feel. And no, it had nothing to do with my outfit. I was dressed practically in jeans and sneakers (with a nice halter blouse). No makeup, no jewelry. Not at all fasyon. I chatted up CEOs and big bosses. I talked to famous photographers. I did the small talk thing with an artista. The models still paid me no mind, but no loss there.
I think my problem lies in what I think others think of me. Then I realized that they probably don't even think of me. I most likely don't even register in their mind at all! But that doesn't matter.
I realize that my self worth isn't tied up in their opinion. I know who I am, and I know what I can and cannot do. And even better, I have a God who can work magic, who can make all those things I can't do on my own possible. And this I know--my God thinks the world of me. He adores me. And that's what really matters.
I think I've finally grown up.